{"id":38215,"date":"2023-07-20T11:51:33","date_gmt":"2023-07-20T15:51:33","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/ifintechworld.com\/news\/i-mailed-a-280-wedding-gift-and-never-received-a-thank-you-note-i-fear-the-gift-was-lost-or-stolen-is-it-gauche-to-ask\/"},"modified":"2023-07-20T11:51:34","modified_gmt":"2023-07-20T15:51:34","slug":"i-mailed-a-280-wedding-gift-and-never-received-a-thank-you-note-i-fear-the-gift-was-lost-or-stolen-is-it-gauche-to-ask","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ifintechworld.com\/?p=38215","title":{"rendered":"I mailed a $280 wedding gift and never received a thank-you note. I fear the gift was lost or stolen. Is it gauche to ask?"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Dear Moneyist,<\/strong><\/h2>\n

I attended a destination wedding in the spring. I didn\u2019t bring a gift because I didn\u2019t want to carry a large item with me on the plane and then make the newlyweds transport it home. The couple didn\u2019t have a registry, but a month ago I bought them a gift and had it shipped to their New York City apartment. It was a Le Creuset cast-iron Dutch oven that cost $280.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n

I received notification from the retailer that it had arrived, but I haven\u2019t heard from the newlyweds to let me know they\u2019ve received it. I\u2019m not upset that they haven\u2019t sent a thank-you note \u2014 it would be nice, but I know they are busy professionals and may not have gotten around to it. My concern is that they didn\u2019t receive the gift. I don\u2019t want them to think I didn\u2019t send them anything.\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n
\n

\n \u201c<\/span>\u2018My concern is that they didn\u2019t receive the gift. I don\u2019t want them to think I didn\u2019t send them anything.\u2019\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

They live in an apartment, and I\u2019m not sure what the mail situation is. Some people\u2019s packages are left on their front doorstep, while other buildings have doormen or mailrooms. The groom is my husband\u2019s much-younger cousin and we are not very close to the couple. We are closer to their parents.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Side note: We went to a wedding a few years ago and the couple registered for gift cards to be sent to the bride\u2019s parents\u2019 house. We sent a $250 gift card, which they never received because the family thought it was junk mail and threw it away! I learned this after reluctantly contacting the couple, who also hadn\u2019t thanked us.<\/p>\n

I am reluctant to contact the newlyweds and ask if they got the gift because I don\u2019t want to seem like I\u2019m guilting them for not sending a thank-you note quickly enough. Any advice on how to proceed?\u00a0<\/p>\n

Wedding Guest<\/p>\n

Dear Guest,<\/strong><\/h2>\n

My rule in life, even if it drives some people barmy, is: More communication is better than less communication \u2014 as long as it\u2019s direct rather than underhanded.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It\u2019s better to ask, if you get the impression that something is not right, whether everything is OK. Even if they say yes and the honest answer is no, they\u2019ll know you care, and they\u2019ll know they can talk to you to when the time is right. It\u2019s better, for example, to smooth things over with a family member that you fell out with and say you want to make things right. It\u2019s better to clarify that email to a colleague at work over Slack or G-Chat. It makes more sense to speak up and make sure you understand the details of a contractor\u2019s estimate if you believe you misheard him. It\u2019s better to have that difficult conversation with your boss.\u00a0<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n
\n

\n \u201c<\/span>\u2018Is it better that you know they received the gift you sent, even if you risk them thinking you\u2019re being passive-aggressive? Or is it better that it got lost or stolen, and they always wonder why you never sent them a present?\u2019\u201d<\/span>\n <\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/p><\/div>\n

And, yes, it\u2019s better to just ask the couple or their parents if they got the gift, because you aren\u2019t sure it was delivered. You could say something like, \u201cDid you receive something in the mail from me? I want to make sure it didn\u2019t get lost. The last time I sent a gift to someone it never arrived, so I always worry that they delivered it to the wrong address or someone stole it from the foyer.\u201d <\/p>\n

Sod\u2019s law may, of course, ensure that no sooner have you asked this question than you will see a thank-you card in the mail. So maybe wait one more month, and if you haven\u2019t heard back by then, ask. If you receive a thank-you note the same day as you ask the question, you can blame me.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Is it better that you know they received the gift you sent, even if you risk them thinking you\u2019re being passive-aggressive? Or is it better that it got lost or stolen, and they always wonder why you never sent them a present? Those are two extremes, but I would take the former over the latter. <\/p>\n

The other thing that gets lost in the mix: People know people. We receive so much information about our friends and family members by how they navigate the world and through third parties. The kind of person who will send a letter to the Moneyist concerned about all aspects of this question of etiquette is not the kind of person others believe would go to any lengths just to get a thank-you note.<\/p>\n

Given the considerate tone of your letter, and the fact that we all know deliveries go awry, I think it\u2019s safe enough for you to ask. <\/p>\n

Also, great gift. That Le Creuset pot will last a lifetime.<\/p>\n

Readers write to me with all sorts of dilemmas.\u00a0<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

By emailing your questions, you agree to have them published anonymously on MarketWatch. By submitting your story to Dow Jones & Co., the publisher of MarketWatch, you understand and agree that we may use your story, or versions of it, in all media and platforms, including via third parties<\/em><\/strong>.<\/p>\n

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

More from Quentin Fottrell:<\/strong><\/p>\n

My son, 34, is getting married. My wife and I want to give him $10,000, but we\u2019re afraid he\u2019ll squander it. What do you suggest?<\/p>\n

My wife wants us to spend $5,000 to attend her cousin\u2019s destination wedding. I don\u2019t want to go. Am I being selfish?<\/p>\n

Our son\u2019s wedding cost a fraction of our daughter\u2019s upcoming nuptials. Should we give our other kids money to ensure all gifts are equal?<\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\n<\/div>\n

Read the full article here<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Moneyist, I attended a destination wedding in the spring. I didn\u2019t bring a gift because I didn\u2019t want to carry a large item with me on the plane and then make the newlyweds transport it home. The couple didn\u2019t have a registry, but a month ago I bought them a gift and had it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":1096,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"gallery","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[236],"tags":[83],"class_list":["post-38215","post","type-post","status-publish","format-gallery","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-news","tag-featured","post_format-post-format-gallery"],"yoast_head":"\nI mailed a $280 wedding gift and never received a thank-you note. I fear the gift was lost or stolen. Is it gauche to ask? | iFintechWorld<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dear Moneyist, I attended a destination wedding in the spring. 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